How to Talk to Your Parents about Weight Loss
11 Tips to Start the Conversation
-- By Stepfanie Romine, Staff Writer
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Yeah, yeah, we know. Talking to parents can be more uncomfortable than having your braces tightened. But your parents need to know what's going on in your life. And you might find out that they're very eager to help you reach your goals, too. But you'll never know how they'll react if you don't talk to them!
If you're nervous about sharing your goals with your parents, start by talking to a sibling, aunt or cousin. Is there someone in your family who has successfully lost weight or gotten in shape? Talk to them about your feelings. Ask them if they had similar feelings and how they shared their goals with others.
Here are some do's and don'ts about sharing your workout and nutrition goals with your family.
- Don't be embarrassed or ashamed. The decision to eat better and exercise more is a mature and responsible one. You should be proud of yourself for deciding to change your life. Ignore your little sister if she tells you that you look "weird and gross” when you're sweaty after running. Tell your older brother to be quiet when he mocks you for eating broccoli. Siblings are going to make fun of you. It's practically their jobs. (Chances are, you tease them, too.) If you're feeling especially brave, you might even be able to explain your goals and get them on board!
- Don't get discouraged. You can keep exercising and choosing healthy foods, even if your parents aren't 100% keen on the idea. Show them you're serious, and they'll be more likely to support you (by buying healthy food or maybe some inexpensive workout equipment). Just make sure you're safe and reasonable in your exercise and diet plans.
- Don't feel guilty. If you're the only person in your family who's trying to change, that's OK. Maybe you'll serve as a role model for other family members. Your commitment to exercise and healthy eating will positively influence those around you. Wanting to change your body and your life is not a judgment on your family's eating or exercise habits. It's about making your own life better. In this case, it's OK to be selfish.
- Do drop hints. If you're not ready to talk to your family about your weight-loss plan, then just start bringing up the idea of making small changes. Forgo the popcorn when you go the movies with your brother. If he asks, tell him you're full from lunch or dinner. Ask mom to buy low-fat yogurt, carrots or skim milk. If she asks why, say you just like it better. Tell Dad you're going for a walk, and if he asks just say you need some air. (Though don't be surprised if your parents think you're up to no good if you start disappearing for hours at a time to exercise. They're parents. They're naturally suspicious.)
- Do start small. Skip the cheese and mayo on your burger, have fewer tater tots, and get a single scoop of ice cream instead of two. Grab an apple instead of chips; have water instead of soda. These small steps will make a big difference—and your family might soon notice how healthy you look and happy you are.
- Don't keep it to yourself. You may feel embarrassed about exercising or choosing healthier foods, but there is no reason to be. In fact, you can be an example to others, or even enlist your friends and family to help you reach your goals. Soon enough, you'll feel ready to share your goals with your family and friends.
- Don't get carried away. Parents think teens have trouble committing to things. So if you divulge a complicated and strict routine to your parents, they'll never believe you can stick to it—or they'll worry you'll resort to unsafe weight loss methods. Tell them you want to be “sensible” and “responsible” about exercise and food. They'll love hearing those words, and you'll show them you can stick with a plan.
- Do show them your plan. You're probably using the tools on SparkTeens to reach your goals. Show them that you can track your foods and plan workouts using the site. When they see that the food and exercise plans are created by professionals, they'll be more likely to believe that you're serious. You can also show them our Note to Parents.
- Do remain calm. Your parents will respond better to your plans if you're not crying, screaming or whining. Staying calm and taking a serious tone will prove to them that you're really committed to losing weight. If you get discouraged, take a few deep breaths, count to 10 or leave the room for a moment, then start talking again.
- Do write it down. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents, try writing down your feelings. (Find a sample letter at the end of this article.) Whether it's via e-mail, instant messenger or a letter, you can still communicate your goals to your parents. If you want to face your parents in person, try making an outline or jotting down a few notes. It will make it easier for you to stay on topic and deliver all your key points.
Sample Letter to Parents
Here's a sample letter to show your parents. It's a little cheesy, but hey, parents like cheesy, sentimental letters! (You might as well get some brownie points, right?) Rewrite it in your own words if you wish, and deliver it however you'd like—via email, face-to-face, or through the mail.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I have committed to making some big changes. I’m trying to eat nutritious foods, exercise regularly, and live a healthy life. It hasn’t been easy, but I’m taking these commitments seriously, and I would appreciate any help you can offer.
Be honest with me. I am overweight, and I want to lose weight safely and slowly. Listen to me and offer me advice, but please don’t minimize the problem.
Stop lecturing me. Talk to me like a friend, but please don’t yell at me, nag me, or criticize me for wanting to change for the better.
Let me be in control. It’s my choice. No one besides me can decide how much weight I’ll lose, how I’ll do it, or whether I want to lose it in the first place.
Don’t monitor my food. Don’t tell me I don’t need a second helping or such a large portion. It only makes me feel bad about myself, which sometimes leads me to overeat.
Be there for me. Support me, encourage me, and compliment me. I want your help finding affordable ways to exercise and I’d like more healthy foods in the house. Better yet, start eating better and exercising alongside me! I want us all to live long, healthy, happy lives.
Don’t exclude me. Don’t make me the black sheep because I’m eating differently. Instead of focusing on me, try to get the entire family to take small steps to eat better. Don’t let my other siblings make fun of me because I’m overweight or trying to lose weight.
Love me. I don’t always show it, because I am a teenager after all, but tell me that you love me regardless of what the scale says. Tell me I’m smart, beautiful/handsome, successful, loveable and talented at any weight. I need to hear it.
Be patient with me. Losing weight doesn’t happen overnight. I want to commit to good habits, and that takes time, patience, and sometimes more than one try.
Be realistic. I might never be as skinny as you or others might want me to be. But I will be a happier, healthier—and yes, lighter—me.
Thanks for listening, and please take this advice to heart, Mom and Dad.
Love,
Your name
Editor's Note: These tips come from the SparkTeens experts and the book “Weight Loss Confidential: How Teens Lose Weight and Keep It Off – and What They Wish Their Parents Knew” by Anne M. Fletcher.
